I had a dream last night that involved a person who walked out of my life a couple years ago. This isn’t the first time they have appeared in my dreams, nor will it most likely be the last. Each time, the situation involved me questioning them why they walked out of my life, re-hashing the hurt and wondering what it was that I did wrong, what drove them away, how could they not care anymore.
For a long time, I thought it was spiritual warfare, Satan finding that tender spot in my heart and exploiting it, causing me to doubt and question. Every time the dream happened, I would try to push it to the corners of my mind, but it still wouldn’t go away. I thought that thinking about it meant dwelling on it and falling right into where Satan wanted me.
That’s what I get for thinking, I suppose.
It was recently revealed to me that it’s not spiritual warfare, but in fact, the voice of God. You see, when that person appeared in my dreams over and over, I never actually dealt with the hurt and heartbreak of when they walked out of my life. I was mad, I was upset, and I was desperate for an answer; but I never handed that burden to Him.
We ‘know’ we’re ‘supposed to’ cast all of our cares to Him, and we think in the back of our mind that we’ll ‘get around to it,’ but we don’t. We hold on to it, trying to handle it ourselves.
I’m kinda embarrassed to admit it, but I was sick for over a month, and I didn’t go to the doctor until three weeks into the nasty cold. (Remember that one time I wrote about my stubborn bloodline?) I kept thinking that if I could just hold out, then it would clear up itself, and I hated the thought of going to the doctor and them just sending me home to rest. So I held out, postponing the doctor through the sinus headaches, the aches, the congestion, the fatigue, the yucky, yucky stuff.
And then I finally went to the doctor (after much coercing), and a round of antibiotics cleared me right up.
(Thank you, Jesus, for letting me breathe again!)
We come to Him for the big things, but hold on to the small things because ‘it can wait’ or ‘it seems silly.’
Those dreams were God’s way of nudging me, bringing this tender spot to the forefront of my mind and heart, encouraging me to take care of this pain.
All of our hearts have some tender spots—heartbreak, loss, shame, guilt, secrets—that can weigh us down, festering like a wound over time.
We become so accustomed to the weight that we don't realize its toll on us. Thankfully, our Jesus is such a great Healer. You see, He loves and cares for us so much, it actually pains Him to see us in pain.
That tender spot, that piece of your heart you pretend isn't hurting, take it to Him. However you need to do it to make your heart and mind know that you are handing over that burden to the Healer, do it.
Personally, writing down all of my frustrations and feelings regarding that tender spot, and then throwing away that paper, is symbolic of me opening my hands and saying, “Here, this isn’t mine to handle anymore. Your hands heal, and I trust You, Jesus. I’m sorry I waited until now.”
He heals, sweet friends. So gosh-darn well.